Saturn of the North
by iamno101
Summary: What if Eddard Stark Didn't actually die, But survived his execution? In this story Ned is back on the scene of the game of thrones, and this time, he's not alone! Set after the end of season 3. Rated T for future Sexual hints and violence.
1. Chapter 1

Saturn of the north

Chapter 1: Ned stark's return from death but it wasnt actually death

Once upon a time it was after the red wedding in westeros, a land where electricity hasn't been invented yet, and the starks were in ruin, but there was a still a glimmer of hope for them.

A farmer who was farming ihis land was farming his lettuces when he noticed there was a mysterious figure swimming otwards him from the rivers, who was wearing very fancy clothes peasants did not have.

Each different article of clothing was a different colour of the rainbow but not in a camp way and he had a big leather coat like motorcyclists and he had skinny pantaloons and black spectacles instead of sunglasses. The voice spoke with a sexy machester accent

"excuse me farmer, you don't know where the twin is from this here farm""i've heard there is a wedding"

the farmer frowned with sadness "oh no ser, that was the red wedding , It was a bad wedding instead of a good one and lots of people died in it" he replied as he almost cried

"but my son was there" came an even sadder voice, and the figure took off his hood to reveal he was ned stark, lord of winterfell!

"oh my old gods! It's you ned stark lord of winterfell!""but you got your head chopped off for being a traitor!" said the farmer

ned gleamed with rebuttal " that wasn't me, that was an imposter, but he was evil so had it coming to him"

the farmer was enlightened by this discovery "ahhhhhhhhhh, but where have you been this whole time? The people need you ser"

"well the thing is, after the execution I was taken into safety by the mr saturns from earthbound, and I have been living in saturn valley till this day. There they taught me the ways of their people and lived as one of them. Now I have returned to save westeros from evil and other people and I am not alone!" he turned to the river and he proclaimed to a hidden mass of creatures in the river "saturn army, come forwards!"

and the farmer watched in awe as an entire army of mr saturns marched from the river, emerging from the water and walking onto the ground, and then they dried themselves on the grass. The farmer looked at ned stark and said "they don't have any arms, how are they supposed to fight the bad guys?"

"yes, but they have noses, so they can smell danger, and they have mouthes for biting"

but suddenly, a ninja jumped out from behind a tree!

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND TAKE YOUR MONEY!" Shouted the ninja

both ned and the farmer where caught by suprise, the farmer was not a warrior and so he ran and hid in his lettuce patch. But ned was and he thought a plan fast. He picked up one of the mr saturns and threw it at the ninjas leg, and it caused the ninja's leg to jump in pain. "ARHHH, I AM UNBALANCED!" Screamed the ninja as failed to remain stable and fell onto the bank of the river, causing him to roll into the river where he maybe drowned.

The mr saturn had a headache but it was mostly okay. The farmer got out of the lettuce patch and ran towards ned.

"thank you so much for saving from the ninja, there is no way I can ever fully repay this debt to you good ser, except prehaps one way!"

ned stark watched with intrigue as the farmer unlocked a large chest which contained a glowing greent light. "here take this magical lettuce! It contains a great and mysterious power of which only the greatest of lettuce farmers know of and understant, I can forsee that you shall need it in your quest."

"how can you tell I will need this?" asked ned stark

"we lettuce farmers know many thing brave ser, and ay I ask what you shall do nect?"

ned stark gazed to the sky in contemplation for a minute before declaring

" I Must find my family, because family is important, I must know if my wife and son prehaps are still alive!"

"but ser ned, everyone knows their dead!"

"we live in strange times lettuce farmer peasant, and from now on, I must be called a different name while i'm still working underground, and that name shall be"

and ned gave a dramatic pause

"The saturn of the north!" shouted ned stark! " and now I must go, I thank you for your gift and wisdom lettuce farmer"

Ned stark and his mr saturn army ran into the horizon towards the twins, as the lettuce farmer cried with joy as there was now a true hero back in the world


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The rescue of robb

Ned stark rode west to the twins by being carried by his mr saturn army so it was slower than horse riding but faster than feet. He was concreded about the safety of his family. Was robb stark and his beautiful wife really dead? He would find out The thought made ned scared.

After many long nights, he came to the castle known as the twins. It was an evil castle of hatred and lies and it was currently being ruled an evil maester while walter fey was on his holiday in qath as he was trying to get a tan while summer lasted. He was a very grumpy man who stayed in his tower all day and the people didnt like him so they were holding on for a hero to arrive.

Ned stark looked at the ground around the keep and saw the bodies of the north army still on the battlefield and this made him sad as many of those soldiers were his friends and they had families, but he knew had to focus on finding his son, or his body! He approaches the gate of the castle but he wore a mask to disguise his identity. All was going well until he was approached by two guards, and they were racist!

"Well well well well looky here!" Snided racist guard n#1 "we've got us wolf shit baby here!"

"Heh Heh, stupid northerners have snow for brains" said racist guard n#2, who was fatter than guard n#1. Ned was insulted but he had to keep his cool so his cover wouldnt get blown off.

"please my good sers, I simply want to get in to try and find someone"

"We're not going to let you in you kilt wearing primitive, Because we dont like you!" said guard n#1

"Heheh, Go back to your dung house north peasannt man, all your northen dog fucker friends are dead anyway!" said guard n#2, and they both dickishly laughed at ned.

By this time ned was furious and he shouted at the guards "Do you know you I am you shit faced bigots?!" and he took of the mask and revealed he was ned stark! Both the guards shrieked in terror and ran away but It was too late as ned had already set his mr saturn army on to them, and they were already biting their legs!

"help us, midget men are attacking us!" they yelled, but they were all ready trampled to the ground.

"serves you right for being intolerant bigots!" judged ned stark.

The saturn army then raided the castle by making human stairs and going over the frey army was alerted and went into battle with spears and swords, but they had difficulty hitting the mr saturns as they were small, meanwhile ned stark was looking around for any sign of robb or catelyn. He searched for what seemed like hours while dispatching the guards in the castle unti he heard a muffled grunt, it sounded like robb stark! "but surely he is dead" thought ned stark but nevertheless he went to investigate inside in the tent.

Inside he saw a horrifying sight, there was a guard standing next to a pole, with robb stark's head on it, but it was still alive, like a chicken! the guard was torcturing robb's head.

"I'll say it once and i'll say it again, if you do not tell me that frey is yay, then i'll make you suck my dick"

"Never, frey is gay that monster killed my wife" robb refuted and spat on him.

"Nevermind, I was going to make you suck my dick anyway, because now you're gay!" the guard shouted angriliy and was about to molest him until ned stark came charging in and screaming at top of his voice

"Don't you touch my son you whore!", the guard almost wet himself until his head was chopped off by ned's sword. "Oh, and frey IS gay!"

"Dad!" shouted robb stark with joy as he saw his dad rescue him, and then ned stark removed robb's head from the pole and talked to his son

"Robb you're alive! But how your body is cut off this makes no sense?"

"You're one to talk, we all thought you were dead and started a war over it!"

"oops, my bad" apologised ned

"eh whats done is done, and these are strange times" contemplated robb "i'm sorry to say mother is definetly dead, they threw her in the sea"

Ned paused for a moment, allowing those few words to work their way though his mind. The message was short but the impact those words carried could put an a hammer to shame, and like a tree of despair those words carved roots of sadness and they strangled his heart. Ned was not a man of great emotion or personality but his family, his friends and his most loyal servants knew that above all, that Ned was a man of heart, and that heart was a heart of honour, courage and love. Ned crumbled beneath his usual lordly stature with great guilt as his heart learned that the only women that he ever loved was torn from him, the woman who melted the ice of his heart to reveal the fire he held within.

But anywas he knew that she must be avenged by doing good for the world and it would start today. "I know what I must do now, I must retake westeros from the cruel lords who exploit it and killed my northern brothers!" ned declared.

"No" shouted robb "Ever since i've had my head cut off I have aquired a mysterious sight, which grants me visions of things that must be down, for I have seen there I a great evil coming to this land, and there must be actions to be done to make this land happy again!"

Ned was about interject when robb started talking again

"To restore happiness to this land you must awake the 5 great varylian torches, when all five are brought together and lit, this cause a great magic to spread through out the land, but I do not know what It will do except it will be wonderful"

"but I want to fight for freedom and honour around the land in the shadows, like a secret ranger" moaned ned

"we will have to travel to all the seven kingdoms on our quest so there also be lots of that so don't worry"

Ned carried robbs head out of the tent, when suddenly a question came to mind. "robb, if your head is still alive, what about your body?"

"Well they put my dire wolf's head on it, and rode it around, why you ask?" replied robb

However unknown to robb and ned, the body was still alive, but the evil maester had used science and combined the wolf's head to the body to create the ultimate and most evil feral super fighter, the wolf warrior!

The wolf warrior jumped into the courtyard howling, blocking Ned's path and taking him by suprise. The frey guards cheered it on and blocked the gate and distracted the mr saturns, meaning the wolf warrior could focus on ned stark. Ned stark knew this could only end one way, a duel to the death, and it was going to be one hell of a fight!


End file.
